I can’t legitimately cross off a lot of things from the aforementioned list, but the summer has been quite awesome thus far anyways. Work has been going quite well. By “well”, I mean it’s never boring, and I can’t ask for a better environment. I think I’m one of the few people my age who thoroughly enjoy being at work. Either there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, or I’ve really struck gold here.

As much as I bask in the feeling of selling my soul to corporate, an office job with a 3-hour commute is hardly the way I would prefer to be spending my first summer in five years where I don’t have to worry about academics. I decided to use this free time to catch up with my travels. Given the amount of crazy I’d been through during the first half of the year, I had initially decided on some relaxing, resort-type, lounging-around vacation.

NOPE. Spent two months running around.

Buffalo, NY. A much-needed shopping trip while the Loonie was flying high (it’s actually flying even higher now). After a day of outlet craze, we swung by Niagara Falls on the way back across the border and were lucky enough to catch some fireworks.

Fireworks at Niagara. Photo shamelessly stolen from Eric.

Mont Tremblant, QC. As a last-minute decision, six of us signed up for one of those Chinese bus tours that took us to Mont Tremblant over the Canada Day long weekend. WHAT, you say, WHY would you crazy people lumber up to a ski resort mid-summer? WELL, I reply, it was actually quite gorgeous with surprisingly a wide range of activities. We made a few mandatory useless stops (namely Upper Canada Village) on the way there and back, so we really ended up having only one full day to spend at the resort. It was decided that we needed to make the day count as much as possible. What followed was our execution of CHALLENGE ACCEPTED:

• Breakfast at French café! When I start the day with chocolate milk on a patio, I know it’s going to be an awesome day.
• Boat cruise around Lac Tremblant! Watch a ginormous helicopter land at a baller vacation home.
• Lounging / swimming at hotel pool! Reject idea of poolside eating because we can’t afford a $7 hot dog at the Fairmont.
• Lunch at Spanish restaurant! The day only gets more awesome with chimichangas on a patio.
• Cable car up to mountain top! It was extremely windy at the summit, and the view figuratively and literally blew us away.
• Luge down mountain! Apparently it’s a Québécois thing, and was one of the best random calls of the day.
• Kayak in the lake! By the time we got a hang of things, it was time for our appointment at…
• Scandinave Spa! Lily and I went for Swedish massages and Scandinavian Baths to rejuvenate while the others had their own little misadventures.
• Dinner in the resort village! With live music and yes, on a patio.
• Le Casino de Mont Tremblant! Matt gained a 1000% return playing a slots machine called Chien Académie (sounds legit).

View from the top of Mont Tremblant! Thanks Matt for giving me implicit permission to post this photo.

After we got back to our rooms I pretty much passed out instantly and don’t recall anything else. On the way home the tour stopped by Kingston where Char gave us a quick tour of downtown and the Queens University campus. Now Waterloo seems even uglier by comparison.

California. I can’t even fully recall what I did here, but simply thinking back makes me miss it so much!

My impression of Los Angeles was what I expected after speaking to numerous people who have been there before – sprawling, overhyped and kind of ghetto. Certain areas were only nice in the sense that you could marvel up close at the multi-million dollar mansions of local residents in the Hills. We ended up spending much more time in San Diego, where the beaches were nicer, the traffic was better, and the burritos were holy. Some Kodak Moments included:

• MXN, a chain of Mexican fast food restaurants. We could’ve eaten this on any occasion. Proper meal, midnight snack, drunk food, post-roadtrip arrival food, beach-side munching… you name it.
• Surfing at Pacific Beach. Or our attempt at doing so. We rented some boards and were merrily floating in the water when I started noticing that the waves kept pushing me out to sea and made it nearly impossible for me to get closer to the beach. Before I made it all the way back, a lifeguard actually turned up with a megaphone and instructed us to get out of the water ASAP. Once we were all safely on land, he explained that we were in a riptide, and lectured us about getting actual surfing lessons. First time for everything!
• Jetskiing in Mission Bay. I get why people can do this in circles for hours by themselves. It’s just so liberating. 30MPH doesn’t sound like much but it gets intense when you’re on pretty much what is a motorized bike on open water.
• La Jolla. An upscale beachside neighbourhood in northern San Diego, I regretted not being able to spend more time exploring the area.
• Meeting up with Gavin & co. for a bar night and dinner the next day at San Diego’s best lamb shank joint, according to Yelp.
• Gifting Dan a microwave. “What did you guys buy? It’s so big… You guys got me a microwave?”
• San Diego Zoo. Having worked in a zoo, I was impressed with the way everything was laid out, the tour buses were conducted, and the variety of flora and fauna found there. I didn’t quite feel all the hype with the Panda exhibit though. There was actually a line-up for the exhibit itself, and as adorable as it was, only one cub was on display.
• Driving through Gaslamp. We were so tired at this point that we settled for a comfy car tour of the district. It’s so much cleaner and more upscale than any entertainment district I’ve seen so far anywhere. Somehow it has this warm, friendly, yet sophisticated vibe. Maybe I’ve just been hanging out in all the wrong areas.

Can I just live here...

Mark my words, San Diego… I will be back for actual Gaslamp shindigs, SeaWorld and of course the ever epic LegoLand. And maybe to retire.

A morning drive up the I-5 later, we found ourselves back in the Los Angeles area to meet up with Connie and Herman. First up was ferrying our burrito-filled butts (1lb burrito for breakfast, say WHATTT) to Catalina. It was a gorgeous island, albeit touristy. After exploring the boardwalk, we did the only thing there was to do – golf cart around the island bluffs! This was much more fun than I expected. I don’t think anyone in history was as elated as I was driving a golf cart. Caddy, anyone?

Golf carting to new heights. That's how we roll.

The highlight of Catalina was having the chance to scuba dive for the first time in an actual reef. Normally for recreational dives they’d first train you in a pool or something. I have no idea how deep we went (40-50 feet maybe?) but the experience was interesting to say the least. Not the most comfortable hobby but I suspect you’d get used to it. It might be a while before I dive again, but it’s rather surreal to be swimming among schools of fish and holding a live sea urchin in your hand.

We spent the night out in downtown LA, then caught some Zs before flying back to the Land of Thunderstorms and Haze, aka Toronto.

On a couple of random notes:

• I completely understand the California song, about driving down the freeway. It is really such an awesome feeling, with the ocean on one side (though you can’t really see it) and mountains on the other. The only thing that could’ve made it better was if we rented a convertible. While I’m at it with the random points, doesn’t that blond guitarist from Wave look like Neil Patrick Harris? A little bit??
• I am impressed at how well flippers work in practice. For some reason I never expected them to be a necessity but they do quite a good job in propulsion.

I miss this.

I’m going to cap this post right here and continue MY SUMMER: PART DEUX in another entry, before anyone starts suing me for eye strain. You’re welcome!

I’ve tasked myself with the simple deed of finding work. It’s rather amazing how complex the application process has evolved into. There was a time when you just submitted your cover letter and CV to a manager, and if you’re a serious contender, go in for an interview. Now, hiring policies encompass everything from having to register for online applications, tracking down references, answering essay-type questions, standardizing tests such as cases, multiple interview rounds, Superdays, and probably an arm wrestle or two. Yes, the point of interviews is to “assess fit” and “determine suitability”, but some of these endurance marathons feel like an evaluation of how deep corporate can rip apart your soul before you crumble into grains of despair, and the extent to which you’d fellate HR’s middle finger.

So far the job hunt has not exactly been kind to me, and it’s making me restless because I can’t stand sitting at home all day with nothing to do. The guilt of unproductivity has actually been a great motivator for me to get other things done like cleaning up around the house, organizing my finances, and just all-around consolidation of my life. This lack of interesting things to do has also provided me with an abundance of time to sit and think. Think about my next challenge to myself.

The world is shrinking, there’s so much going on, and it takes a lot more to understand things.

Aleksey Vayner

Probably the epitome of puffery blown out of proportion. In October 2006, Vayner, a Yale student, sent UBS AG a job application. Except it wasn’t your typical CV+cover letter+transcript+references. No, it was a video resume. “BALLIN!”, you say. Well maybe, sort of. Take a look:

Let’s forget for a second that we have a twenty-something year old referring to himself as an “inspiration”. This was supposed to be his resume, and I really don’t see the conveyance of any value added he can provide a prospective employer. If this hotshot was hired, I’d imagine he’d just be up on his soapbox waxing random bullshit about personal success all day.

This video wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t make other outrageous claims such as:

• The Dalai Lama wrote his college recommendation letter.
• He worked for the CIA.
• He taught Jerry Seinfeld and Harrison Ford how to play tennis.
• He was a participant in Tibetan gladiatorial competitions.
• He is an expert practitioner of Chinese orthopedic massage.
• He was the original developer of Napster.

Though to his credit, he did set in motion an internet meme that in turn became sort of parodied by an actually awesome dude.

Lucy Gao

Ridiculed far and wide as “Citi girl”, Gao was an intern for Citi’s Real Estate Equity Research group. She was planning on hosting an elaborate 21st birthday celebration at the Ritz and wanted to send out some invites to her glitzy shindig. Most students create a Facebook event or send a few short text messages, or slap together a 5-liner email. Not Lucy G. Her anal-retentiveness led her to draft this detailed email invite:

From: Gao, Lucy [CIR]
Sent: 16 August 2006 12:53
Subject: Details and instructions for Lucy’s Ritz Party

Dear Friends,

Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Friday to celebrate my 21st with me. Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Ritz.

Lucy’s 21st Birthday Party at The Ritz Hotel London

Friday, 18th of August
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles

Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair
I have arranged the Ritz to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of Ritz Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.

A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the Ritz waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with Ritz cutleries, etc…also on me.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:
* When you arrive, take the Hotel entry on the opposite side of the Green Park tube station [Please refer to your arrival time at the end of this email]
* When asked “how can I help you Sir/Madame?”, you reply “I am here for Lucy’s Birthday Party at the Rivoli Bar”
* You will be escorted to the lounge area next to the Rivoli bar, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.

If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the Ritz, please call my mobile on 07782 205 450 and my PA Ms Gill will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

STRICT DRESS CODE:
Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)
Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be well-groomed! ;)

Finally…
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm… <wink> hehehe

I very much look forward to seeing you all at the Ritz this Friday.

Lucy

ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa, Kate.
9:15pm: Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick, Harry.
9:30pm: Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana, Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi

Lucy Gao
Citigroup | Real Estate Equity Research
4th Floor, Citigroup Centre (CGC1)
25 Canada Square, London E14 5LB
Direct Line: +44 207 986 4116
Fax: +44 207 986 4341
Mobile: +44 778 220 5450
Email: lucy.gao@citigroup.com

This chick has a PA. If you are 21 years old, unless you are Blair Waldorf, your life is most likely not significant enough to qualify for needing a freaking PA!!! Also, she has a set time to blow out candles and scheduled arrival times for individuals. I wonder if her friends actually put up with that. In any case, I didn’t quite catch where it’s gonna be at… the Hilton or something?

Peter Chung

This stud was a 24-year old Princeton grad who landed a job with The Carlyle Group in Seoul back in May 2001.  Deciding his life of “fuck[ing] every hot chick in Korea” was too awesome to keep to himself, he fired off this email to 11 of his friends back at Merrill Lynch New York, where he used to work:

From: Peter Chung
Subject: LIVING LIKE A KING
Date: Tue, 15 May 2001 20:26:21 -0400

So I’ve been in Korea for about a week and a half now and what can I say, LIFE IS GOOD….

I’ve got a spanking brand new 2000 sq. foot 3 bedroom apt. with a 200 sq. foot terrace running the entire length of my apartment with a view overlooking Korea’s main river and nightline.  Why do I need 3 bedrooms?  Good question,  the main bedroom is for my queen size bed, where CHUNG is going to fuck every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years (5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go) the second bedroom is for my harem of chickies, and the third bedroom is for all of you fuckers when you come out to visit my ass in Korea.

I go out to Korea’s finest clubs, bars and lounges pretty much every other night on the weekdays and everyday on the weekends to (I think in about 2 months, after I learn a little bit of the buyside business I’ll probably go out every night on the weekdays). I know I was a stud in NYC but I pretty much get about, on average, 5-8 phone numbers a night and at least 3 hot chicks that say that they want to go home with me every night I go out.

I love the buyside,I have bankers calling me everyday with opportunties and they pretty much cater to my every whim – you know (golfing events, lavish dinners, a night out clubbing). The guys I work with are also all chilll – I live in the same apt building as my VP and he drives me around in his Porsche (1 of 3 in all of Korea) to work and when we go out. What can I say,…. live is good,…
CHUNG is KING of his domain here in Seoul

So,  all of you fuckers better keep in touch and start making plans to come out and visit my ass ASAP, I’ll show you guys an unbelievable time.
My contact info is below…. Oh, by the way, someone’s gotta start fedexing me boxes of domes, I
brought out about 40 but I think I’ll run out of them by Saturday…..

Laters,
CHUNG

Peter Chung
The Carlyle Group
Suite 1009, CCMM Bldg.
12, Yoido-dong, Youngdeungpo-ku
Seoul 150-010, Korea
Tel: (822) 2004-8412
Fax: (822) 2004-8440
email: pchung@thecarlylegroup.co.kr

If you didn’t quite get that last part, “domes” is referring to condoms. A friend of his thought it’d be hilarious to forward the email to someone else. Soon enough, the CHUNG’s sexual prowess was widely known by almost everyone in banking and he was subsequently terminated from his post at TCG.

Jeffrey Chiang

Jeff Chiang’s display of douchebaggerism is actually pretty recent. In fact, he gained notoriety just this past week. To sum up, Chiang had an interview with Morgan Stanley (MS), and when asked if he had any other offers, he fabricated one from Bank of America Merrill Lynch (BAML). Vice versa, he had told BAML that he was in second round interviews for MS when he only in fact had a first round phone interview. Unfortunately for him, the banking world is quite small, and he eventually got dinged by his interviewers with industry connections. Here is the email chain:

From: xxxxx (BoAML person)
Sent: Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:43 PM
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Other people at other banks)
Subject: FW: Jeffrey Chiang

I don’t know if this guy has come up on your radar screens in terms of analyst recruits, but you need to be warned about him. I should have been tipped off by the fact that he ran a “5K marathon” on his resume.
I just figured something got lost in translation.

I interviewed him on campus, and while he was pretty weird/intense, he seemed like somebody who would crank and potentially make for a good analyst, so we waved him in for an office visit.

Things started going bad for him when I got a call from our HR department about him during our Superday. In making his travel arrangements with our travel agent, he had apparently made a big stink about needing to stay at the Four Seasons and blew up on the travel person. It was apparently bad enough that she went to the trouble to inform our HR department.

Our Superday reviews on him were pretty mixed, nonetheless. He had spent a summer at Gulfstar, so I did a bit of checking on him there, and it became clear that they were also very unimpressed with the way that he carried himself. So, we dinged him, but that is not where the story ends.

He had told one of the associates in our office that he was in the second round of interviews for MS’s Palo Alto office. Well, our associate happened to mention this to his friend that works in the MS Palo Alto office and the associate at MS said that Jeff had had only had a phone interview but had indicated that he had an offer from BAML.
When the MS team asked him to send proof of his offer, he manufactured the email below and forwarded to the MS team.

We have notified UT of this joker’s behavior, but needless to say, this guy shouldn’t be able to get a job at McDonalds after a stunt like this.

xxxxx

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxx (MS person)
Sent: Wednesday, October 14, 2009 12:58 AM
To: xxxxx (BoAML person)
Subject: FW: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

This is what Jeffrey sent Morgan Stanley to prove he received an offer from your firm. Given you told me you dinged him, should I assume this is fake? If so, that’s unbelievable and his school should be notified, he shouldn’t get a job anywhere on Wall Street.

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxx (Morgan Stanley person)
Sent: Tuesday, October 13, 2009 10:47 PM
To: xxxxx (Another MS person)
Subject: Fw: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

—– Original Message —–
From: Jeffrey Chiang
To: xxxxx (Morgan Stanley person)
Sent: Tue Oct 13 22:52:34 2009
Subject: FW: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Chiang
Business Honors Program & Finance
Economics Honors & Advertising Honors
McCombs School of Business
The University of Texas at Austin
Email: xxxxx
Cell: xxxxx
________________________________________
From: Park, Diana
Sent: Friday, August 21, 2009 3:36 PM
To: Jeffrey Chiang
Subject: RE: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

Hi Jeff,

Everyone was very impressed with your interviews today. We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria [sic] Merrill Lynch as an analyst next summer. You should be getting documentation in the mail to sign very shortly. If you have any further questions please feel free to email me. Again, congratulations and we look forward to having you join us next year.

Best,
Diana

—–Original Message—–
From: Jeffrey Chiang
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 4:28 PM
To: Park, Diana
Subject: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

Ms. Park-

I just wanted to follow up with you regarding my interviews and the recruiting process for Bank of America Merrill Lynch and where they are in the process. Please shoot me back an email when you can. Thanks for all your help.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Chiang
Business Honors Program & Finance
Economics Honors & Advertising Honors
McCombs School of Business
The University of Texas at Austin
Email: xxxxx
Cell: xxxxx

No, “Dana Park” does not in fact exist, and can you believe this kid demanding to stay at the Four Seasons just for a Superday? Also, a tip: if you’re going to make up a fake offer, at least get the company name right. In addition, some people have reported that he made up fake clients to fill up his cold-calling list, and bribed associates during a previous internship at Goldman Sachs. Chiang then wasted no time in deleting all of his online profiles (though they can still be found through the magic of Google cache).

Of course, not everybody in banking possesses the level of haughtiness these young assclowns have displayed. But this is the kind of stuff that gets coverage and reflects on the industry as a whole. So I guess the moral of the story is… just don’t be a douchebag.

Due to the above mentioned encumbrances, I will also have no social life until December 5. And then I will probably need to go all out holiday-festive-style. I would say that this past week wrapped up my fun quite nicely. Last Saturday I had lunch with Nic, then went for a haircut in Pacific Mall. Jo and I decided to try that new place upstairs (I forgot what it’s called already). It was okay, nothing remarkable. I will keep trying different salons to find a really really good one, or at least somewhere with a decent price-to-quality ratio. Afterwards, we wandered around the mall and moved on to Market Village. As some of you may be aware of, Market Village will soon be no more. Instead, they intend to replace it with the biggest Asian mall in North America (a title currently held by none other than Pacific Mall). There was a pretty large model in the main foyer, so I snapped some shots:

You can see P-Mall as the red building in the front. Behind it is the proposed reconstruction of Market Village, with a luxury hotel attached. Those lush looking trees in the parking lot are LIES.

On this side you can see the much needed multi-tiered parking lot. I like the mini GO train as a finishing touch.

 I’m rather skeptical with this proposed re-engineering. If done right, it can be every bit as awesome at the model looks. But if anything goes awry, things could end up like the atrocity that is Splendid China Tower across the street (seriously, who the hell named that complex?), which has no resemblance to a tower whatsoever, and still looks like Canadian Tire.

On Wednesday I got to see U2 in concert at the Rogers Centre, courtesy of RIM and JChu. The stage, the band, and the show itself were nothing short of amazing. Can’t expect anything less from the greatest rock band of all time :) I took a few photos on my phone camera, so I apologize for the shittacular quality.

Snow Patrol opening for U2. Look at that STAGE!

They opened the dome. Imagine living in the penthouse of one of those condos... *__*

U2 in DA HOUSE!

On Friday, our department had a team-building event at Polson Pier. I had never been there before, and was impressed by the view from the docks. You can see downtown Toronto to the right and the Islands on the left.

Toronto skyline with perfect weather!

We were enrolled in this “corporate team building activity/competition” thing, which was a big scavenger hunt consisting of many activities ranging from leapfrogging to passing a ball with your neck (not easy BTW). One of the activities was rock climbing, which I decided to have a go at. It was my first time rock climbing, so I was fairly proud to have made it to the top. But yea, fine, it was a really easy wall. Anyways our team lost won because obviously the “winning” team cheated. Since it was such nice weather, I walked to the Eaton Centre with a couple of coworkers along Lakeshore. We walked very slowly, chatting and scoping out the area. It was pretty interesting to see the city from a different angle. I was dead tired by the time we reached the mall, so I hopped on a subway home not long after.

Later today I’m going to my first Women@Enbridge presentation with the CEO. I am assuming most of the people who signed up did so for the very same reason as me – free food :P

Last Wednesday I joined quite a few Waterloo’ers for an end/beginning-of-term dinner. Half of us came from work while the other half had gone rock climbing earlier in the day, so there was this palpable disparity between our states of dress formality. There were people I haven’t seen in a while, and people I won’t get to see for a while, and I enjoyed catching up with everyone.

On Friday I skipped out on work a bit earlier to give myself a head start on the weekend (also there was really nothing for me to do). I bummed around at Fairview Mall until some friends who were returning from the CNE came to pick me up for dinner. It’s amazing how many new friendships are formed with high school acquaintances once you go to the same university… In any case, we had dinner at Lemongrass, and dessert in the same plaza. Then they decided to drag me to Mix2 to shoot some pool. I didn’t really feel like playing, so I just became the photographer.

Sunday, I was up bright and early to hit the beach one last time before we Canucks hide out in our igloos for the winter with our stash of bear and walrus meat. It was essentially with the same people I went camping with, and we decided to visit Sibbald Point. I’ve already gotten a threat from Herbert to give this trip a glowing review. Otherwise he will eat my babies or something. Initially, we were supposed to leave at 8am. But then I guess someone realized it’s a vacation, not military boot camp, so departure time was pushed to 9. We had a very uneventful drive.

Getting this shot was probably the most exciting part of the drive

The lifejacket looks like the Kool-Aid dude!!

That little kid eventually got himself a bleeding foot and my first aid kit helped him :)

When we got there, it was already pretty packed. We couldn’t even find a picnic table. Except there was one that was kind of partially in the water, and we would have to drag it out. After much debate, a group of buff dudes who arrived after us went to drag it out for themselves. We solemnly watched and didn’t dare stop them.

The infamous picnic table

We were extremely jealous of their various-sized beach balls and floaty accessories

Testing the water

Check out those cancer dogs

Just some peepz. Chillinnnnn'

At one point we were all in the water. Lily and I were super sneaky and used our shark-like stealth to splash/drown/throw mud at the boys.

The day is almost over :(

Some more Sibbald Point scenery

New Olympic sport: synchronized shell-picking

Overall it was a very fun and successful ending to a great (albeit short) summer. Now I can’t wait till Christmas…

Members of this generation have lived their lives like track stars trying to run a marathon at the pace of a 100-meter dash — their parents typically waiting at every turn with a stopwatch.

And it’s like the biggest reality check you can have thrown in your face. All that hard work, just to… move back in with your parents? Ugh. FIX IT!