Egregious finance douchebaggery

Everyone loves to hate bankers. Their hefty bonuses, inflated egos, and “models and bottles” lifestyle framework often make them a public target for contempt. The prestige of a banking job is coveted far and wide by top business school graduates, and some of these douchebag attributes have trickled down to analyst levels. Let’s examine four infamous case studies:

Aleksey Vayner

Probably the epitome of puffery blown out of proportion. In October 2006, Vayner, a Yale student, sent UBS AG a job application. Except it wasn’t your typical CV+cover letter+transcript+references. No, it was a video resume. “BALLIN!”, you say. Well maybe, sort of. Take a look:

Let’s forget for a second that we have a twenty-something year old referring to himself as an “inspiration”. This was supposed to be his resume, and I really don’t see the conveyance of any value added he can provide a prospective employer. If this hotshot was hired, I’d imagine he’d just be up on his soapbox waxing random bullshit about personal success all day.

This video wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t make other outrageous claims such as:

  • The Dalai Lama wrote his college recommendation letter.
  • He worked for the CIA.
  • He taught Jerry Seinfeld and Harrison Ford how to play tennis.
  • He was a participant in Tibetan gladiatorial competitions.
  • He is an expert practitioner of Chinese orthopedic massage.
  • He was the original developer of Napster.

Though to his credit, he did set in motion an internet meme that in turn became sort of parodied by an actually awesome dude.

Lucy Gao

Ridiculed far and wide as “Citi girl”, Gao was an intern for Citi’s Real Estate Equity Research group. She was planning on hosting an elaborate 21st birthday celebration at the Ritz and wanted to send out some invites to her glitzy shindig. Most students create a Facebook event or send a few short text messages, or slap together a 5-liner email. Not Lucy G. Her anal-retentiveness led her to draft this detailed email invite:

From: Gao, Lucy [CIR]
Sent: 16 August 2006 12:53
Subject: Details and instructions for Lucy’s Ritz Party

Dear Friends,

Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Friday to celebrate my 21st with me. Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Ritz.

Lucy’s 21st Birthday Party at The Ritz Hotel London

Friday, 18th of August
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles

Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair
I have arranged the Ritz to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of Ritz Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.

A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the Ritz waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with Ritz cutleries, etc…also on me.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:
* When you arrive, take the Hotel entry on the opposite side of the Green Park tube station [Please refer to your arrival time at the end of this email]
* When asked “how can I help you Sir/Madame?”, you reply “I am here for Lucy’s Birthday Party at the Rivoli Bar”
* You will be escorted to the lounge area next to the Rivoli bar, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.

If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the Ritz, please call my mobile on 07782 205 450 and my PA Ms Gill will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

STRICT DRESS CODE:
Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)
Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be well-groomed! ;)

Finally…
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm… <wink> hehehe

I very much look forward to seeing you all at the Ritz this Friday.

Lucy

ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa, Kate.
9:15pm: Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick, Harry.
9:30pm: Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana, Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi

Lucy Gao
Citigroup | Real Estate Equity Research
4th Floor, Citigroup Centre (CGC1)
25 Canada Square, London E14 5LB
Direct Line: +44 207 986 4116
Fax: +44 207 986 4341
Mobile: +44 778 220 5450
Email: [email protected]

This chick has a PA. If you are 21 years old, unless you are Blair Waldorf, your life is most likely not significant enough to qualify for needing a freaking PA!!! Also, she has a set time to blow out candles and scheduled arrival times for individuals. I wonder if her friends actually put up with that. In any case, I didn’t quite catch where it’s gonna be at… the Hilton or something?

Peter Chung

This stud was a 24-year old Princeton grad who landed a job with The Carlyle Group in Seoul back in May 2001.  Deciding his life of “fuck[ing] every hot chick in Korea” was too awesome to keep to himself, he fired off this email to 11 of his friends back at Merrill Lynch New York, where he used to work:

From: Peter Chung
Subject: LIVING LIKE A KING
Date: Tue, 15 May 2001 20:26:21 -0400

So I’ve been in Korea for about a week and a half now and what can I say, LIFE IS GOOD….

I’ve got a spanking brand new 2000 sq. foot 3 bedroom apt. with a 200 sq. foot terrace running the entire length of my apartment with a view overlooking Korea’s main river and nightline.  Why do I need 3 bedrooms?  Good question,  the main bedroom is for my queen size bed, where CHUNG is going to fuck every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years (5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go) the second bedroom is for my harem of chickies, and the third bedroom is for all of you fuckers when you come out to visit my ass in Korea.

I go out to Korea’s finest clubs, bars and lounges pretty much every other night on the weekdays and everyday on the weekends to (I think in about 2 months, after I learn a little bit of the buyside business I’ll probably go out every night on the weekdays). I know I was a stud in NYC but I pretty much get about, on average, 5-8 phone numbers a night and at least 3 hot chicks that say that they want to go home with me every night I go out.

I love the buyside,I have bankers calling me everyday with opportunties and they pretty much cater to my every whim – you know (golfing events, lavish dinners, a night out clubbing). The guys I work with are also all chilll – I live in the same apt building as my VP and he drives me around in his Porsche (1 of 3 in all of Korea) to work and when we go out. What can I say,…. live is good,…
CHUNG is KING of his domain here in Seoul

So,  all of you fuckers better keep in touch and start making plans to come out and visit my ass ASAP, I’ll show you guys an unbelievable time.
My contact info is below…. Oh, by the way, someone’s gotta start fedexing me boxes of domes, I
brought out about 40 but I think I’ll run out of them by Saturday…..

Laters,
CHUNG

Peter Chung
The Carlyle Group
Suite 1009, CCMM Bldg.
12, Yoido-dong, Youngdeungpo-ku
Seoul 150-010, Korea
Tel: (822) 2004-8412
Fax: (822) 2004-8440
email: [email protected]

If you didn’t quite get that last part, “domes” is referring to condoms. A friend of his thought it’d be hilarious to forward the email to someone else. Soon enough, the CHUNG’s sexual prowess was widely known by almost everyone in banking and he was subsequently terminated from his post at TCG.

Jeffrey Chiang

Jeff Chiang’s display of douchebaggerism is actually pretty recent. In fact, he gained notoriety just this past week. To sum up, Chiang had an interview with Morgan Stanley (MS), and when asked if he had any other offers, he fabricated one from Bank of America Merrill Lynch (BAML). Vice versa, he had told BAML that he was in second round interviews for MS when he only in fact had a first round phone interview. Unfortunately for him, the banking world is quite small, and he eventually got dinged by his interviewers with industry connections. Here is the email chain:

From: xxxxx (BoAML person)
Sent: Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:43 PM
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Other people at other banks)
Subject: FW: Jeffrey Chiang

I don’t know if this guy has come up on your radar screens in terms of analyst recruits, but you need to be warned about him. I should have been tipped off by the fact that he ran a “5K marathon” on his resume.
I just figured something got lost in translation.

I interviewed him on campus, and while he was pretty weird/intense, he seemed like somebody who would crank and potentially make for a good analyst, so we waved him in for an office visit.

Things started going bad for him when I got a call from our HR department about him during our Superday. In making his travel arrangements with our travel agent, he had apparently made a big stink about needing to stay at the Four Seasons and blew up on the travel person. It was apparently bad enough that she went to the trouble to inform our HR department.

Our Superday reviews on him were pretty mixed, nonetheless. He had spent a summer at Gulfstar, so I did a bit of checking on him there, and it became clear that they were also very unimpressed with the way that he carried himself. So, we dinged him, but that is not where the story ends.

He had told one of the associates in our office that he was in the second round of interviews for MS’s Palo Alto office. Well, our associate happened to mention this to his friend that works in the MS Palo Alto office and the associate at MS said that Jeff had had only had a phone interview but had indicated that he had an offer from BAML.
When the MS team asked him to send proof of his offer, he manufactured the email below and forwarded to the MS team.

We have notified UT of this joker’s behavior, but needless to say, this guy shouldn’t be able to get a job at McDonalds after a stunt like this.

xxxxx

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxx (MS person)
Sent: Wednesday, October 14, 2009 12:58 AM
To: xxxxx (BoAML person)
Subject: FW: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

This is what Jeffrey sent Morgan Stanley to prove he received an offer from your firm. Given you told me you dinged him, should I assume this is fake? If so, that’s unbelievable and his school should be notified, he shouldn’t get a job anywhere on Wall Street.

—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxx (Morgan Stanley person)
Sent: Tuesday, October 13, 2009 10:47 PM
To: xxxxx (Another MS person)
Subject: Fw: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

—– Original Message —–
From: Jeffrey Chiang
To: xxxxx (Morgan Stanley person)
Sent: Tue Oct 13 22:52:34 2009
Subject: FW: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Chiang
Business Honors Program & Finance
Economics Honors & Advertising Honors
McCombs School of Business
The University of Texas at Austin
Email: xxxxx
Cell: xxxxx
________________________________________
From: Park, Diana
Sent: Friday, August 21, 2009 3:36 PM
To: Jeffrey Chiang
Subject: RE: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

Hi Jeff,

Everyone was very impressed with your interviews today. We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria [sic] Merrill Lynch as an analyst next summer. You should be getting documentation in the mail to sign very shortly. If you have any further questions please feel free to email me. Again, congratulations and we look forward to having you join us next year.

Best,
Diana

—–Original Message—–
From: Jeffrey Chiang
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 4:28 PM
To: Park, Diana
Subject: Bank of America Merrill Lynch Interviews

Ms. Park-

I just wanted to follow up with you regarding my interviews and the recruiting process for Bank of America Merrill Lynch and where they are in the process. Please shoot me back an email when you can. Thanks for all your help.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Chiang
Business Honors Program & Finance
Economics Honors & Advertising Honors
McCombs School of Business
The University of Texas at Austin
Email: xxxxx
Cell: xxxxx

No, “Dana Park” does not in fact exist, and can you believe this kid demanding to stay at the Four Seasons just for a Superday? Also, a tip: if you’re going to make up a fake offer, at least get the company name right. In addition, some people have reported that he made up fake clients to fill up his cold-calling list, and bribed associates during a previous internship at Goldman Sachs. Chiang then wasted no time in deleting all of his online profiles (though they can still be found through the magic of Google cache).

Of course, not everybody in banking possesses the level of haughtiness these young assclowns have displayed. But this is the kind of stuff that gets coverage and reflects on the industry as a whole. So I guess the moral of the story is… just don’t be a douchebag.

11 thoughts on “Egregious finance douchebaggery”

  1. Haha… wow.
    Hi there Louise, just got bored and came by to read this new post of yours and it gave me a good laugh for the night.

    The 140 lbs one simply took the cake for me though.
    I highly doubt those were really 140 lbs… no way =p

  2. Who in their right mind would lie about such a major job offering? Oh wait.. This Jeffrey kid just did. I probably wouldn’t have noticed his little typo of BoAML if it wasn’t for the sic but boy did he pwned himself big time.

  3. @Jo: There were some others, but they weren’t as funny so I didn’t include them.

    @Tony: Didn’t know you were blogging!! Linked you up :)

    @Dan: I hope he also got kicked out from his school…

  4. This is jokes.
    I did too made a introductory video of myself for a job alongside the occasional resume (no CV needed). I didn’t get the job, but just did it on the whim. You might have seen the video on my blog. I spent 30mins editing the video! HOW CAN THEY NOT ACCEPT ME!?!?! It was a good 1 minute of tricking!

  5. This is the first time I’ve heard any of these stories, but wow, it amazes me how some people can get such a huge ego. With that being said, I can easily find the next generation on it Facebook contact list.

  6. @Fa: Yea I’ve seen your video – it’s pretty awesome. Keep it up! But it depends on what you’re applying for. Maybe being a physical powerhouse wasn’t applicable to that job :P I’d put it on my resume under “interests”, but only bust out the video if they ask further about it.

    @Red: I guess these are the people who are constantly told “wow, you’re so smart!” because they can get into Ivy schools, and attain those internships at top banks. Just hope I never have to work for one…

  7. @Justin: You need an update.

    @Jess: OMG you’re blogging again! I hope you’ve found a permanent home… Took me a while to track down who you were. I only realized via your subdomain address :P

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